Marijuana, My Experience, and Questions I Still Have

There is a part of my story I have rarely talked about openly. Marijuana is a controversial subject, especially in church, and I’m still figuring out how my experience fits with my faith.

I’m sharing this because being honest about my journey means acknowledging the parts I don’t have neatly figured out.

What I Grew Up Believing

Growing up, I looked at all drugs pretty much the same way. Marijuana belonged in that category, and I stayed away from it.

Later in adulthood, I started noticing how many people I knew used it privately. Some were established business owners who seemed to be doing well. They worked, handled their responsibilities, and sometimes smoked in the evening to wind down.

Meanwhile, I was struggling financially and didn’t have much to show for my years of working.

That didn’t prove anything about marijuana, but it challenged the picture I had grown up with. What I was seeing didn’t match what I thought I knew.

I’ve always had a questioning mind. Once something stops making sense to me, I want to understand why.

Why I Tried It

A friend occasionally offered me some, suggesting it might help me take the edge off. I’m naturally anxious and high-strung, but for a long time I said no.

Eventually, after reading about marijuana and hemp, I became willing to try it.

For roughly the first year, I only smoked socially around certain people. What I encountered then was brown, contained seeds, and reminded me of dried leaves from the forest floor. It wasn’t something I particularly wanted to keep around for myself.

After the relationship I described in my testimony ended, I stopped. During the difficult period that followed, someone suggested trying a little of what they called “medical-grade” marijuana at night.

What they offered looked and smelled very different from what I had tried before. It was green, strongly scented flower—the buds from a female cannabis plant—rather than the brown, seedy material I associated with marijuana. I also began learning about different varieties and their distinct colors, smells, and flavors.

“Medical grade from out of state” which was how it was described to me. It was basically just fresh pure breed, not imported. I didn’t have verified information about its contents, and its appearance alone couldn’t tell me that.

I was reluctant, but I tried a small amount. The difference I noticed went beyond its appearance or smell: my experience with it felt different, too.

What I Noticed

I felt able to settle my thoughts and think about my future.

Before that period, I could get paid on Friday, be broke by Monday, and borrow money to get through the week. Over time, I began sitting down with my bills, paying off debts, saving money, and thinking beyond whatever I wanted in the moment.

I paid more attention to my employment and what I needed to do to support myself. I traveled and became more willing to get out and do things.

When I say I used it “responsibly,” I’m describing a limited pattern: usually one or two inhalations at night. Over approximately eight or nine years, I didn’t feel a desire to keep increasing that amount.

I didn’t feel impaired. I felt normal and capable of doing my usual activities, and sometimes more. Nobody around me questioned my sobriety.

That describes how I experienced it and what people expressed to me. It doesn’t establish that there were no effects I failed to notice.

Why I Believe It Helped

Some people have told me marijuana wasn’t responsible for those improvements. I understand that I was also making deliberate changes in my life. I was working on my finances, praying more, and trying to move forward.

I can’t separate every influence and prove how much each one contributed.

But I also can’t honestly say I noticed no benefit.

After stopping, I noticed some familiar difficulties returning. My finances didn’t become as bad as they had once been, but planning felt harder. I became less interested in going out and had more difficulty imagining what my future could look like.

That pattern is part of why I believe it helped me. It is also something I still want to understand better.

The Limits I Recognize

I eventually cut ties with my old contacts. I also became uncomfortable spending money on marijuana when that money could go toward bills and family.

Although I liked smoking it, including the smell, I had concerns about that method of use. I also had concerns about legality.

I have questions about access, growing it, and the difference between using something for relief and using it to escape or become intoxicated.

My research raised questions about CBD, THC, and possible medical uses, but I’m still learning. I don’t want to present my understanding as medical expertise or assume that what I used was appropriate for someone else.

I recognize that something I experienced as helpful may affect another person differently.

Where Faith Fits In

I’m only about four years into what I call my “less like me” journey with Christ. I’m still learning to examine my choices through that relationship.

I understand Scripture to call us to sobriety and a clear mind. I take that seriously.

I also believe God placed helpful things on this earth. That belief makes me curious about what we can learn from plants, although it doesn’t answer every question about their safety or how they should be used.

I have taken prescribed medicines, too. I’ve wondered why I felt expected to trust one substance while condemning another without asking questions about either.

I want to apply the same honesty to both.

I don’t yet have a complete answer about marijuana and my faith. I don’t want to claim God’s approval simply because I believe something helped me. I also don’t want to deny my experience because it is uncomfortable to discuss.

Why I’m Sharing This

For much of my life, I accepted certain ideas because that was what I had been taught. Later experiences led me to question some of them.

That questioning eventually became part of my journey back to reading the Bible and seeking God for myself.

I’m trying to bring that same willingness to learn to this subject. That includes being willing to question my own conclusions.

This is my experience as I understand it today. I believe marijuana helped me during a difficult period. I recognize that my experience leaves questions unanswered.

I do not use now. Although I will honostly say its just because of my faith in God and I am not sure his point of view on it. I will say that I have felt convicted over a lot of things i've done in life that I have repented for, but I have never felt convicted for my use of marijuana in the past other than the human laws making it illegal. Whether im right or wrong for feeling that way, thats just the truth. I’m sharing those questions alongside my faith because both are part of my story.